Just Thoughts
I guess this semester was a little different.
I quit my job and got one on campus. And I like it. Yes I actually like it.
This may sound weird but it actually surprises me when good things happen, and to some extent it actually scares me. I can honestly say that this job is the ONE thing on that campus that I do not hate.
Im grateful that I have something.
The other day I dropped the f bomb on facebook and perhaps half the world fell out of their chairs.
It was wrong, I know, I am ashamed, and I deleted it.
Even though it doesnt change the fact that people have already judged me but I dont really care.
I curse, even though it is wrong. It was part of the environment that I went to school in as a child and I can honestly say that I do it (occasionally) only out of therapeutic purposes.
But the world doesn’t know that and there is no point of me exposing my sins so lets just keep that here.
Lately there has been so much of this wishing I was someone else.
Everywhere I go I observe people around me and I just want to be them for a while. Im so ungrateful but I cant fight the feeling.
TV, facebook, school, music, work, library, friends (especially friends), random people I see on campus, friends of parents/their kids, cousins (especially the married ones), and mostly the freshmen that I mentor.
They have their entire undergrad experience ahead of them. Opportunities are waiting anxiously to be seized by them, friendships are waiting to be made, and the right person just might be waiting for them to come along.
Opportunities that I failed to seize.
Two things that I am constantly noticing about women that interact with everyday is the color of their lipstick and their wedding ring.
Im not sure why.
I made a list of new year’s resolutions for the coming year. I think the most important resolution I made is to stop comparing myself to others. InshAllah I will be able to accomplish and stick with this resolution. I haven’t told you, but I have this problem where I purposely go to the facebook walls of people who have the things I want. I go to see if there is any new information, like is this person getting engaged to her boyfriend, is she getting a new car, are her parents celebrating their anniversary? I find out all the great things that are happening to them and make myself feel bad. I am fully aware that if I go to their wall and find something out it’s going to make me jealous but I do it anyway. Pretty pathetic, I know. I don’t know why I do it. But I made my resolution and so far I have stuck with it. I am going to make sure I NEVER make myself feel bad/jealous like that again. Just thought maybe reading this tid bit of my life would give you something to think about